dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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