i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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