i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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