CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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