wanna go halves on a baby?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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