I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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