Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize