So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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