You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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