I wish I could punch you in the face.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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