She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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