Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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