I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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