maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry about my life...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize