I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize