So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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Boobs speak an international language.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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