After last night, I could never be a politician.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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