Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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