your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
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I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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