Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Terrible idea I love it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize