you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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