Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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