Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize