so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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