and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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