You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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