I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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