The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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