my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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