Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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