They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize