sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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