I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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