Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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