They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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