I met the friendliest cop last night
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
then he tried to convert me to islam
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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