Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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