I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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