I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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