Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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