True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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