I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize