I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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