I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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