Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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