Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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