i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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