I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize