she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize