is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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